What To Do If Your Ex Is Ignoring You?

Maybe you’ve already sent your ex every text message you can think of, but they’re always left unread.

Maybe you keep calling your ex, but the calls always go to voicemail.

Maybe you’ve even run into your ex randomly out on the street, and they acted like you don’t even exist.

…How do you handle this type of situation with your ex when you still want to get back together with them?

What Should You Do When Your Ex Is Ignoring You?

OK, the first thing you need to do is chill out.

Seriously, take a deep breath, go for a walk around the block, become a Buddhist monk and meditate for weeks straight… whatever you need to do to relax and keep your cool.

This is really important because a lot of the biggest attraction-killing mistakes that I see my coaching clients make happen when they get emotional and lose their head.

It only takes one short 2:00am drunk text to your ex to ruin any progress you’ve made with your ex, and potentially even kill your chances of getting them back.

So, it’s critical that you keep a level head and don’t cave in to your emotions or let your self-discipline slide.

Now that you’re calm and thinking clearly, how can you win back an ex who won’t talk to you?

Actually, you can’t.

Yes, you heard me folks… you’ll never get your ex back if they’ve disappeared from the face of the earth.

HOWEVER, while you need them to eventually reply to you and begin talking with you regularly again in order to get them back, you can do a few things to change how they’re acting right now, and make them WANT to reply to you and even to reach out on their own initiative.

Play It Cool Around Your Ex.. Always

First, though, there’s one critical thing you must understand: you cannot push too hard or come on too strong.

If your ex has already ignored multiple attempts to contact them — for instance, if you’ve sent them 3 texts and left 2 voicemails since your breakup a few weeks ago — you’re going to have to give them time and space for now.

Trying to send any further messages or really any attempt to contact your ex when they’ve already ignored multiple calls and texts is going to backfire badly, and make you look like a needy, desperate loser.

No matter what, if you’ve tried to reach out to your ex more than once in the past week — and didn’t get any reply at all — wait at least another week before you try again. AT LEAST a week.

Preferably wait even longer than a week, actually, especially if you’ve made numerous attempts to contact your ex without hearing back, or if you know they were angry or upset at you when you last spoke.

Take it Slow When Your Ex Ignores You!

Now, once you’ve left your ex alone for at least a week, you can begin thinking about trying to reach out again.

If you’re in any doubt about whether you need to wait longer before sending your next text or calling them again, wait longer.

It’s critical you give enough time to make sure your ex knows you’re not desperate, you’re moving on with life, and you’re not contacting them with any ulterior motive.

I like to say that you want your ex to be back to an “emotional neutral” state when you reach out and re-initiate contact, because that’s when some of my more covert psychological techniques will really start shifting the way he or she feels about you and a possible future together.

When It’s Time To Reach Out To Your Ex…

When you’re confident your ex is in that “emotional netural” state, and they won’t think of you as “needy” if they see you calling or see a text from you pop up on their phone, you can try to contact them again.

BUT — and this is a really important BUT here — you need to use a completely different strategy from your previous attempts to initiate contact.

In fact, better yet, send your ex one of the “Magnetic Attraction” texts that I’ve included in my Ex Factor program.

These are texts that I’ve developed over a decade of breakup coaching with clients in situations like yours, and they are specifically designed to trigger a certain response in your ex’s brain.

If you for some reason don’t want to use one of my proven messages, or if you already sent one or multiple to your ex previously, then it’s time to change the goal of your message to something completely different.

Usually, I recommend you start with super non-threatening stuff designed to make your ex smile or laugh or remember a fun memory you shared when you were together.

In fact, even if you don’t hear back after you send that type of message to your ex, there’s a good chance it still worked as intended and will help ensure they pick up the phone or reply to your message the next time you reach out.

So think of a one-liner message (and I do recommend texting or messaging online for now, no calls or in-person encounters yet) that will make your ex smile, think of a happy time you spent together, or reference an inside joke they’ll understand and appreciate.

If you can’t think of something funny or come up with a good memory to reference, try saying something genuinely helpful or interesting. For instance, let them know about some event or news story they may not have heard about already.

So, one quick message. That’s it. One, maybe two sentences, no more.

If you get a positive reply, great! Now you can wait another week to reach out again.

Again, slow and steady wins the race, folks… remember that you can’t get back together with someone who isn’t interested in talking to you, so we’re just trying to build rapport and shift their mental perception of you at this point.

If you don’t hear back, your strategy is the same — wait a week or more before trying again, this time using a totally different angle and probably a different method as well, like a Facebook message or a brief voicemail rather than another text.

Hopefully, though, if you use one of my Magnetic Attraction texts and think of a great joke or memory to share in the message, you’ll get a quick reply from your ex.

Slowly Increase Contact With Your Ex (SLOWLY!)

At this point, you’re likely going to get really excited to hear back from him or her.

You may be tempted to forget all about the crucial tip I gave at the beginning of this article, and suddenly start calling and texting like mad. That, my friends, would be a huge mistake… remember, be cool, right?

RELATED:Text Messages To Send Your Ex

No matter what the reply says — well, unless it’s explicitly asking to get back together, which I actually have seen before believe it or not — you must do absolutely nothing for a few days.

Leave your ex alone again, just so that you can be certain they won’t feel threatened or think you’re going to start spamming them now that they’ve replied.

Once you’ve waited another few days or more, and you reach out again to your ex — and get another response — That’s your green light to SLOWLY and carefully increase the frequency of communication.

3 Golden Rules For Handling Interactions With Your Ex

I’m going to share with you THREE GOLDEN RULES for handling any contact with your ex after this point. If you follow these 3 rules religiously, you’ll be fine, and you’ll be on the path to getting back together…

…especially if you’re also employing the rest of my techniques to build attraction and start over in a new and improved relationship with your ex.

GOLDEN RULE #1 — Be Positive

All contact must be positive and fun. No drama, no arguing, no serious or heavy stuff whatsoever in any of your conversations with your ex, regardless of where or when or why.

Until you’re basically already back together as a couple, every encounter with your ex must be light-hearted and enjoyable for them. Anything serious or any drama will just remind your ex why they dumped you in the first place, and could set you back weeks. Keep it fun.

GOLDEN RULE #2 — Use Psychology Against Them

You need establish dominance & win the mind games. I’m a big psychology geek and I love the nuances of the human psyche, so I always advise using simple, covert strategies to ensure you have the “power” in any interactions with your ex.

Basically, you want to do and say things that will subconsciously show your ex that:

…YOU are the one who’ll be fine without your ex…

…YOU are the one who can easily find someone new any time you like…

…YOU are the one who is moving on to bigger and better things.

How do you do this? By being the “Alpha” during your conversations.

That means never replying to their messages too quickly, and letting some calls go to voicemail.

It means sometimes saying “no, sorry, I’m busy” when they ask to meet up even if that’s not really true. And it means always being the one who has to end the conversation first.

PRO TIP: Turn the tables and make your ex jealous with these psychological tricks.

Just keep this in your mind: your ex needs you more than you need them, they just don’t realize it yet.

By using these sneaky psychological hacks, you’ll be helping them understand what they’ve lost and ensuring you hold the balance of power.

GOLDEN RULE #3 — Seek Help From Professionals

Don’t gamble if you don’t know what you’re doing.

If you end up facing some sort of situation with your ex where you’re unsure how to handle things, or where there’s potential risk of making a mistake and blowing your chances for good, please sign up for 1-on-1 coaching with me and we’ll talk it over and come up with a plan.

I’m ready to help whenever you need some guidance or an outside opinion… Even if I don’t have a coaching spot available, I may be able to help you out. Let’s talk things over before you accidentally blow your shot.

…Do all of that and you’ll be giving yourself the best possible chance to win back your ex, even though they’re ignoring you right now.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning is widely regarded as the world's most trusted breakup experts, boasting over 12 years of experience working with clients from around the world. Brad's #1 best-selling breakup reversal guide, The Ex Factor, has helped more than 130,000 people from 131 countries to re-unite with an ex. Brad is also the author of Mend The Marriage, a comprehensive self-help guide that teaches married couples how to save their dying marriage and prevent divorce. Brad’s YouTube channel has over 400,000 subscribers and 50 million views, and he has been featured in a number of well-known media outlets and industry journals.