Get Your Long Distance Ex Back: LDR Breakup Guide

Are you trying to get your long distance ex back?

Did your relationship go south when one of you moved away?

Is being apart keeping you apart?

I’m going to tell you exactly what to do to get back together with your long distance ex.

How To Get Your Long Distance Ex Back

Let’s start with the bad news:

I’d love to tell you that it’s going to be easy to fix your long distance relationship.

I’d love to say that all my long-distance clients are able to get their ex back and live happily ever after.

But the unfortunate reality is that being far apart makes things a lot more complicated.

The truth is that the odds of getting back together are lower than if you lived down the street from one another.

That being said, the good news is that it’s absolutely possible to get back together even if your ex lives far away.

I’ve seen my coaching clients succeed in reversing their long distance breakups hundreds of times in the past, so it can certainly be done. It’s just a bit more difficult, and the chances of success depend greatly on the details of your specific relationship.

There are several key factors that will influence your success:

• how far you live from your ex
• how often you saw one another in person
• how long you were together

If you and your ex met online, you’ve never met in person or have only met once or twice, and you live on separate continents, then unfortunately your chances of getting him or her back are very slim.

I don’t mean to offend anyone who is in a scenario like this, because I know your breakup is just as painful, but that kind of situation just doesn’t really represent a “real” romantic relationship, so you can’t really use the tactics that I teach in my Ex Factor program.

For instance, how can you send my Good Reminder text message — which is essentially a text that subtly reminds your ex of a happy time you shared together — if you never actually met in person?

If you’re dealing with an ex you met online who you’ve met only once or twice, it’s probably time to start thinking about moving on.

On the other hand….

…if you and your ex met in person and then moved apart, or perhaps you met online but spent weeks or months together on holidays or in-person visits…

…if you live on the same continent, and you can see one another at least once every month or two….

…then you have a much better shot at getting back together.

This is especially true if you have spent months or even years living in the same city, but now live apart for whatever reason…. in that type of situation, unless you’ve already made some pretty serious mistakes, you’ve got a good chance at working things out with your ex.

Another factor that will determine your chances of success is time. How long has it been since the breakup? A week? A month? A year?

The more that time passes, the more difficult things become.

If it’s been a couple of months and you haven’t been begging your ex for another chance every day since the breakup, then things may still be salvageable.

If it’s been a year or more, then unfortunately your odds are probably a lot lower.

Getting Your Long Distance Ex Back

If you’ve been apart from your ex for some time but haven’t had any real contact with your ex, then you can safely skip this section.

If you have spoken to your ex more than once or twice since the breakup, or if it’s been less than a month since you parted ways, then pay close attention because this is definitely important.

The “No Contact” Phase

As soon as possible after your breakup, you want to cut off all communication with your ex.

This means completely ignoring your ex for around a month or so.

The point of this is to show your ex that you’re moving on, you’re not going to wait around crying, hoping that your ex will change their mind. This is the first step towards shifting the balance of power back in your favour, and it is absolutely critical.

You need to ‘shock’ your ex into realizing what life is like without you, and you need to give off the impression that there’s plenty of other guys or girls who would jump at the chance to date you.

That puts the pressure on your ex and will make him or her have second thoughts about leaving such a desirable commodity.

I can’t stress enough the importance of not communicating with your ex for the first while after your breakup. I’ve made other videos on this and it’s detailed extensively in my program, but the benefits go way beyond just the mind games with your ex… it also has scientific backing.

Relationship studies have proven that, if there’s little or no contact, your ex will miss you the most around 3-4 weeks after a breakup… those feelings are intensified by the lack of communication, and the timing coincides nicely with your initial messages after the no contact period is over.

You’ll be reaching out to him or her right when they’re missing you the most. It’s also been proven that humans tend to let go of negative memories more easily than positive ones, meaning the no contact period lets your ex forget about why they wanted to break up in the first place, and replaces those memories with nostalgia and positive emotion.

RELATED: Should I Be Friends With My Ex?

You know what else the no contact phase does? It stops you from reaching out to your ex to apologize, beg for another chance, ask for forgiveness, or anything along those lines that will usually hurt your chances of getting back together.

I know it may feel like a good idea to mail your ex a 5-page love note spilling your heart out, but all that does is show your ex how much of a desperate loser you are at the moment.

The truth is that no matter how badly you want to reach out to your ex to tell them how you feel and beg for another chance, there simply aren’t any words that can change your ex’s mind… especially if they live hundreds of miles away.

Romantic attraction is an organic, natural thing that can’t be forced… you can’t make your ex fall back in love with you using words, and if you try it’ll only make things worse.

Talking about the relationship, your breakup, or any kind of drama and bickering is guaranteed to make your ex less receptive to your attempts to get back together. Avoid that kind of stuff at all costs.

Instead, you need to do and say things that will change how your ex feels about you fundamentally, making them decide, on their own, that breaking up was a bad idea in the first place.

When you re-build your ex’s feelings of romantic attraction naturally through actions rather than words, and after you use some of the sneaky psychological tactics that I teach in my Ex Factor program, your ex’s perception and feelings towards you are going to improve dramatically. That’s when you’ll actually be able to win them back and start fresh with a new and improved relationship.

Reconnecting After No Contact

When the no contact phase is over, and it’s time to start talking to your ex again, that’s when you can bust out some of my text message templates…

These are messages I’ve specifically come up with to help break the ice and get your ex interested in talking with you again.

Definitely don’t just call your ex out of the blue and ask “Whats up?”

When you first start talking to him or her again, it needs to be very brief, very fun and upbeat, and leave the door open for future communication.

Now, when you first start talking to your ex again, you need to take it slow and make sure all the interactions are fun for your ex… no drama, no talk about getting back together, etc.

Just be funny, stay positive, and make sure that your ex wants to hear from you again and will be receptive to future calls or texts from you.

Maybe even drop a subtle reminder or two to trigger memories of happy times you shared together, and bring up an inside joke to spark those feelings of attraction in the back of your ex’s mind. Trust me, that actually does work.

Meet Your Ex In Person

After slowly talking more frequently online or via phone and text, the time will eventually come to either meet your ex in person, or arrange a Skype call or Facetime meeting online with them.

In-person is way better, but you should only EVER visit your ex’s hometown unless you have a legitimate excuse for being there… if your ex lives on the other side of the world and you don’t know anyone else in the area, then it’s going to be way too obvious that you’re just trying to get back together.

Don’t ambush your ex in their new location.

That’s not what you want.. you still want your ex thinking that you’re just being friendly and hoping to ‘catch up’ over coffee.

If you’re visiting your ex to meet in person, it’s always best to think of a legitimate excuse for being “in the area”, which will allow you to invite your ex out for a quick drink or a bite of lunch while you’re in town.

RELATED: Long Distance Relationship Advice

If you have to use Skype or an online web chat instead, then the same principles apply, but it’s going to be a lot more difficult to use the meet-up to generate attraction.

Keep the first meet-up with your ex short and sweet.

Make sure you’re friendly, upbeat, and positive, just as you have been when you were talking online. Make sure you clearly portray to your ex how well your life has been going since the breakup, and make sure they understand that you’re happy and enjoying the single life.

If possible, you can be a bit sneaky and mention that you’ve “been on a few dates.”

Put on a sheepish grin and say it’s “nothing serious” or something along those lines.

Don’t get into specifics or talk about it further than that, it’s just good to drop a hint to put some pressure on your ex, make them feel a tiny bit jealous, and add an element of mystery so that your ex leaves the meeting curious about your new life.

Rebuild Sexual Chemistry

It’s also important to add some sexual chemistry to the in-person meeting. This is the main reason why in-person is far better than Skype or phone calls, because you can’t really do this online.

You don’t need to be all over your ex — in fact, that’s a bad idea — but you should do a bit of flirting.

Casually touch your ex’s arm, hold eye contact for a bit longer than normal, maybe drop an innuendo or hint at something sexual that has meaning to your ex.

Just generally be flirtatious, playful, and make sure your ex is having a good time.

No talk AT ALL about your past relationship, the breakup, etc… that’s toxic. All you want is for your ex to leave the meeting thinking that they were dumb to let such a fun, interesting and attractive person walk out of their life.

Where things go from this point depend on how the first meeting goes, and how difficult it will be for you and your ex to see one another and talk to each other regularly.

If you live close enough that you could conceivably meet again in a few weeks, leave the first meet-up by saying something like, “hey it was fun catching up, let’s do it again soon… I might be back in town later this month so I’ll try to make time for us to grab a drink while I’m here.”

Or, if the first meeting is going extremely well and the chemistry is great, then you might be able to turn the quick coffee date with your ex into dinner, drinks, and a trip back to your ex’s house for some sexy time.

But don’t expect that to happen the first time you meet with your ex after the no contact period. Normally, it’ll only be 20 or 30 minutes.

However, it your ex seems extremely flirty and interested in hanging out for longer, you can go with the flow and see what happens.

Take It Slow

For most people, it’ll take more than one meeting with their ex to actually get back together.

That’s OK, though. Continue to give them lots of space, continue to put on your happy face and stay busy with your exciting new life, making sure that your ex knows what cool stuff you’re up to.

And send them the occasional funny message, thoughtful reminder, inside joke, etc.

Rebuild your connection as best you can from afar.

If you chat on the phone, make sure to keep it brief, keep it fun and interesting, and always be the one to end the call before your ex has the chance.

When the time is right, you can build up to another in-person meet up… and this time you’ll be going into the ‘date’ with better chemistry and a stronger connection, so you can continue the flirting and essentially continue to charm and seduce your ex.

RELATED: How To Build A Healthy Relationship

It might take several meet-ups, phone calls, and messages over the course of weeks or months… but eventually, you should reach the point where your ex is receptive to sex or to the idea of giving your relationship a second chance.

Don’t rush the process.

Remember that the goal is to build natural attraction so that your ex decides to take you back on their own… that’s the only way things will work out in your favour, and if you don’t lose sight of that, you’ll be well on your way to getting back together.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning is widely regarded as the world's most trusted breakup experts, boasting over 12 years of experience working with clients from around the world. Brad's #1 best-selling breakup reversal guide, The Ex Factor, has helped more than 130,000 people from 131 countries to re-unite with an ex. Brad is also the author of Mend The Marriage, a comprehensive self-help guide that teaches married couples how to save their dying marriage and prevent divorce. Brad’s YouTube channel has over 400,000 subscribers and 50 million views, and he has been featured in a number of well-known media outlets and industry journals.