How to Let Go of Emotional Baggage & Learn to Love Again

This article explains how important it is to let go of emotional baggage which can unknowingly hurt yourself and any potential relationship in the future – and what you can do about it.

Have you ever looked forward to having that much needed vacation and realized that you’ve brought way too much stuff than what is actually needed for that trip?

This can be compared to romantic relationships. Who really needs to carry all that extra stuff anyway?

It’s a very common mistake for people to jump from one relationship to another, thinking that they’re ready to date someone new with little to no knowledge of the truckload of baggage they bring in from past failed relationships!

Emotional baggage is what causes relationship patterns to repeat themselves over and over again. It’s basically like being in the same relationship with a different person each time.

As human beings, we all want to love and be loved. When that opportunity presents itself, we then take a leap of faith and hope that everything works out for the best, right?

In a fairy tale, this concept might work, and nobody ever gets hurt. In real life, however, this is rarely the case. Relationships fall apart, and those who take a leap of faith often end up falling flat on their face. I don’t think I need to reiterate how painful that experience can be.

How To Truly Heal

In order to truly heal, you must first process the breakup, grieve and eventually move on. Most people overlook the grieving part because they don’t want to be sad and often drown themselves in alcohol, jump into rebound relationships.

Others just keep busy, often burying themselves in work.  They simply don’t take the time to mentally “move on” and prepare themselves for a new romantic relationship.

Signs You Haven’t Mentally Moved On

How do you identify this type of situation (and the accompanying “mental baggage”)?  Ask yourself questions such as:

• Do you compare your new girlfriend or boyfriend to your ex?
• Do you expect your current flame to have the same good qualities that your ex had –and feel irritated that they don’t?
• Do you find it hard to open up to people and trust them fully?

These are only some of the signs that indicate you’re carrying too much excess emotional baggage.

Let’s move on, though, and talk about how to resolve this type of issue …

You are not the sum of your past failed relationships. Just because someone cheated on you or betrayed you in the past, or just because a relationship didn’t work out, does not mean it’s your fault.

Perhaps you’re thinking it’s your fault because you were not attentive enough, caring, loving enough, etc.  Whatever the case may be, each person is responsible for what they do.

Although it’s good to own up to your mistakes, and analyse what may have led the relationship to its fateful end, you also need to recognize that it’s never solely “your” fault.

As painful as breakups are, the uncomfortable emotions and heartache that come in the wake of a breakup are actually healthy and necessary for moving on.

While some people find it most convenient to jump into another relationship right way to avoid the pain, know that this is generally an unhealthy way to grieve for a variety of reasons, especially if you still have feelings for your ex!

Time to Process Loss

You need time to analyze what went wrong in the relationship, come to grips with the reality of your situation, and move on. Any type of loss needs to be processed, accepted, and completely let go so it won’t accumulate as a resentment which will only come back to haunt you in the future.

Learn to forgive your ex with the intention of truly wanting to live a happier and fuller life. There is nothing wrong with being single and enjoying your own company for a while.

This is the first key to opening up to other people after being hurt a gazillion times. Learning to trust yourself simply means that you know yourself enough to know which qualities you tolerate and which ones you don’t, and all the while knowing that whatever happens, you’ll be all right in the end.

You have the confidence to continue or end a relationship – whatever the case may be – according to what you think is best.

The tips are general guiding principles designed to make your life easier by letting go of excess baggage. As a relationship coach, I’ve helped many clients overcome the different hurdles in life.

Just remember that whatever personal or relationship challenge you’re in right now, you are not alone, and you can reach out to someone who fully understands this and will help you move towards a more fulfilling future where you live freely and love openly.

Best of luck in all your romantic endeavours!

Jessica Raymond

Jessica Raymond, BSc, is LoveLearnings senior editor. As a relationship coach, Jessica has helped hundreds of men and women achieve their relationship dreams. Whether it’s finding your one true love or simply charming someone on a date, Jessica's got your back! In her articles, she reveals little-known, psychological tips that will make even the coldest person chase you around like a little puppy.