5 Warning Signs You’re Settling for Lower Expectations

Finding The One can be an exhausting, thankless journey. Not only are there plenty of barriers to finding relationship harmony, the simple fact of the matter is that most people are not right for you.

All notions of soul mates aside, there are, indeed, different levels of happiness that people can achieve in a romantic relationship. However, lowering your standards in order to fake that happiness and make it appear as though you have it all when you really don’t is not healthy for either party involved.

True love and partnership is about more than a big ring and well-behaved children. It is about more than the illusion of a good match. However, if you are lying to yourself about the state of your relationship there is no way to stop lying to your partner, much less the rest of the world. Therefore, it is important to recognize the signs of settling in your relationship.

1. Your Conversations Lack Passion

Passion in the bedroom is easy, especially in the beginning. Passion outside of it is a lot more risky and a lot harder to fake.

When you talk to your significant other, is the focus always on the practical and logical? Do you speak about routine, events, and other matter-of-fact things only?

The need to discuss logistics is obvious, but when there is a true connection between partners, their conversations inevitably flow to other, deeper realms. “Forbidden” subjects like religion and politics are not forbidden between you and your partner. Hopes, dreams, ambitions, and true feelings about people and events should be common topics between you.

2. You Don’t Feel Like “Yourself”

Are you free to express yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually? Along with your actual conversations, you should feel authentic in your thoughts and actions around your partner.

There should be no reason to put on a facade in public or private in order to keep him/her happy and content. If you cannot be who you are, you are not with someone who loves you, and, ultimately, that spells disaster.

3. You Lack Common Interests

While it is absolutely true that opposites attract, there should be some common ground between you and your love. Maybe it’s a favourite movie or television show or a passion for cooking or the outdoors. While doing everything together is as unhealthy as doing everything apart, finding ways to bridge your interests and actually spend time enjoying life and hobbies as a couple is critical if you want a relationship to flourish.

Of course, even worse than a lack of common interests is the need to feign interest in each other’s lives. If you cannot stand baseball, yet watch games with your partner every weekend you are merely breeding resentment.

4. There Is No Sense of “Extraordinary” Between You

Connected couples share more than just the ins and outs of their everyday lives. They share a special bond, inhabit a world uniquely theirs that others cannot understand. This can be as simple as inside jokes or special memories that you both cherish.

Having this unique “language” of love is important since it allows you to escape from the everyday without actually going anywhere and emphasizes the unique world that your relationship inhabits. Sometimes it’s a look or a phrase, sometimes its an activity or a special meal. These little extraordinary things that define your coupledom illustrate the passion and connectedness that love is all about.

5. Your Life’s Ambitions Are Not Aligned

Do you dream of high-flying career success while your partner wants a quiet life in the country? Are you looking to open your own business while your partner is content to work for others? Having life goals that align with one another is critical if you want to achieve long term happiness. While your partner does not need to do everything with you, his/her support is essential for your success.

Please, Don’t Settle

The pressure to find someone, settle down, and get out of the dating game is understandably high, especially as we age and our biological clocks begin to tick.

However, settling for less than true happiness is worse than facing life alone. Plus, by sticking with the girl or guy who is merely good enough, you close yourself off to true happiness with the person who really is “The One.”

At the very least, you short change the one person who you know will always be there for you — yourself.

Mark Belmont

Mark Belmont, BSc, is a cross between Giorgio Armani and David DeAngelo. He’s a style and fashion consultant with a passion for helping single men improve their dating and love life. Mark’s list of “Universally Attractive” fashion and grooming tips has turned thousands of average men into dapper, well-dressed James Bonds.