Reader Question: Do I Fight With My Boyfriend Too Much?

Anita L. from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, asks LoveLearnings.com:

I need to start off by saying that I love my boyfriend with all my heart, and my boyfriend says he loves me. The thing is we get into fights — big ones. And they happen way too often. They’re always about little, stupid things. Occasionally we’ll have fights about serious issues, but most of the time it’s just bickering. I don’t know what to do!  I don’t want to break up with my boyfriend, but I have to do something!

Fight with him or her too much? Here are ways you can fix that problem … for good!

Thank you for your question, Anita!

Fights and arguments are healthy in a relationship. How boring would it be if your partner just smiled and nodded at everything you said?

Yeah, sure, it sounds a little appealing now, but it’s not very attractive. You partner is there so he or she can stimulate you, challenge you, and most importantly, drive you to be a better person than you are right now.  

Most of the time, opposites do attract. Having common ground on passions and interests is important, but you two have to accept and embrace the fact that you are two completely different people and it shouldn’t get in the way of love!

That said, Anita, if fights are happening much too common, then you need to address these issues as soon as possible. The more you fight, the more likely one of you is going to a reach a “breaking point” and will want to break it off (which may or may not be a good thing if the situation can be resolved or not).

So here’s my suggestion:

1. Come Up With “The Process”

This one is going to take some practice, so hear me out first. Come up with a sort of “algorithm” for when you feel things start to heat up. For example, if you feel like an argument or disagreement begins to escalate, just stop.

I know it’s hard in the heat of the moment, but just stop talking for a second and say, “I don’t want things to escalate, so let’s not say anything hurtful.” Then continue the conversation.

This is going to take a few tries because emotions are a strong force. You probably won’t want to think rationally once your partner begins to rile you up! So do your best to remember what I like to call “The Process”!

2. Change The Subject

This can be difficult, but if you see an inevitable argument happening over something small and insignificant, then change the subject! You partner will gladly oblige.

3. If Are Still Fighting With Your Boyfriend …

And you do love each other, then maybe seek professional help. Yes, getting counseling means you’ll have to pay, but it’s not as expensive as you think it is, and if it works, then it will be worth it!

Try these tips and hopefully they’ll work for you! Until next time, ladies and gents!

Jessica Raymond

Jessica Raymond, BSc, is LoveLearnings senior editor. As a relationship coach, Jessica has helped hundreds of men and women achieve their relationship dreams. Whether it’s finding your one true love or simply charming someone on a date, Jessica's got your back! In her articles, she reveals little-known, psychological tips that will make even the coldest person chase you around like a little puppy.