4 Reasons Your Ex Will Take You Back

If you want your ex to come back, you need to give them a reason to.

It turns out that there are four reasons that your ex will come back to you.

Show your ex that these reasons are more important than anything else, and they’ll be back in your arms in no time.

Reason #1: A Sense of Loss From Your Absence

This is a fancy way of saying that an ex will often decide to reverse a breakup because they miss you like crazy. The more your ex misses you after breaking up — the more desperate they are to see you again, hear from you, touch you — the stronger their urge will be to stop the heartache and ask you to get back together.

Getting your ex to miss you CRUCIAL to winning them back. That’s because in order for them to take you back, they need to decide on their own. It has to be THEIR decision. You can’t talk or beg or bribe your ex into giving you another chance… they need to come to the decision, on their own accord, that getting back together is the best course of action.

And, of course, if they are missing you like crazy and can barely stand the thought of going another day without talking to you or seeing you, they’ll be overwhelmed by the urge to stop the pain and get back together.

Don’t underestimate how powerful this emotion can be, even for otherwise very strong and stubborn people… if you can successfully remove yourself from your ex’s life quickly and completely shortly after the breakup, they will often be unable to cope with the loneliness and sense of loss they’ll be feeling.

And, as I’ve seen with thousands of my coaching clients over the past 14 years, this sense of loss will very often force them to decide they need you back.

Obviously, No Contact is the best way to make your ex miss you and feel that intense loneliness and loss… and the more you can make your ex miss you, the more likely it is that this emotion will lead them to take you back. It’s probably the single most common reason and ex will decide to change their mind about breaking up.

Reason #2: Fear Of Losing You and Fear of the Unknown

This is closely related to the previous reason we just discussed. Your ex is feeling fear at the thought of losing you and that means a huge part of them wants to take you back. You see, fear of the unknown is one of the most powerful motivators. And choosing to end a relationship brings that fear to the surface in a major way.

Here’s the thing: most people who decide to breakup with their partner aren’t truly 100% certain that breaking up is the right choice. Even if they seem really committed to the breakup initially, and even if they’ve been pondering the idea for weeks or months before the actual breakup, they’re almost always still harbouring some lingering doubts and worries that they may be making a mistake.

See, your ex doesn’t really know how painful and difficult breaking up will be… they might have been through breakups before, and they might have a good idea of what their daily life might look like after breaking up… but there’s always a sense of the unknown and a fear that they might not be able to cope with the loneliness and heartache.

Or they may think that they’re going to love being single, and that they’ll really enjoy the freedom that comes with it… only to discover that things aren’t quite as ideal as they had hoped once they’re actually single.

This is why I always stress to my clients the importance of creating a sense of urgency for your ex. They need to know that you’re NOT going to wait around hoping they’ll call you up and ask for another chance.

They need to worry that you’re moving on much more quickly than they expected, that you have other romantic options and can quickly replace them with someone new… because the more they feel that the clock is ticking, and that you’ll soon be gone forever and moving on to someone new, the more they’ll start to panic and wonder if they should just ask you to get back together before it’s too late.

Again, No Contact can help you achieve this kind of fear for your ex… but you can also ensure they feel the urgency by quickly moving on, acting like you’re already over them, and getting out and living a busy, active, and interesting life without them around. The less available you make yourself to your ex, the more you show them that you’re capable of quickly getting over them and continuing life without them, the more pressure they feel to act fast or lose you for good.

Reason #3: Physical & Sexual Desire

This is less common than the previous two reasons we just discussed, but I do regularly see physical and sexual attraction help my clients get a second chance with their ex. Typically, this is just part of the reason why your ex may take you back, but it can often be a powerful motivator for your ex.

Basically, the more they miss your physical connection and the intimate part of your relationship, the more they’ll be willing to look past any logical or rational reasons they used to justify their decision to break up. If you had a great sex life and strong physical chemistry with your ex before the breakup, that’s something that they’re going to be really missing once you’re no longer together.

That’s why I almost always recommend that my clients withhold sex or physical intimacy of any kind until your ex actually commits to getting back together in a real relationship again… and that’s especially important for women who want their ex boyfriend or ex husband back.

RELATED: Using The No Contact Strategy To Get Your Ex Back

Ladies, always withhold sex and anything physical from your ex until you get what you actually want from them–an actual committed relationship. Until your ex is willing to take you back, officially and publicly, don’t let them into your bed, no matter how much you may want to give in to their booty calls.

Equally importantly, when the time is right, you really want to use this to your advantage by flirting with your ex and building sexual tension as much as possible. This isn’t something you can usually do until you’ve completed a period of No Contact and started to re-connect and see them in person again, but once you do get to that point, the more you can flirt and tease your ex to create some sexual tension, the better.

So look your best when you see your ex, drop sexual innuendos or steamy hints during your conversations when the time is right… and basically make your ex want you, but don’t let them have you until they agree to take you back.

And lastly…

Reason #4: Forgetting About The Issues or Rational Reasons That Led To The Breakup

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Your ex will, if you give them plenty of space and avoid accidentally reminding them or exhibiting those same behaviours, tend to forget or at least stop caring as much about many of the things that led them to decide to break up in the first place.

Humans have a built-in psychological tendency to forget negative memories and romanticize the positive ones.

This is another reason why No Contact and giving your ex lots of space after breaking up is so important — it allows for this natural process to occur inside your ex’s brain, ensuring that they no longer remember or focus on negative aspects of you or your relationship.

Maybe you had some particularly irritating behaviours that contributed to your ex wanting to end things… maybe you argued about the same topic frequently and never resolved the issue, leading to your ex wanting to break up… maybe you said or did something mean or hurtful that also helped them come to decide that the relationship was over.

It could even be as simple as practical logistical reasons… you were both really busy and couldn’t find time to see one another regularly, for exam

If your ex decides that these reasons or problems weren’t really as bad as they thought… or if they begin to forget about the negatives, and downplay them in their mind as time passes… then they’ll start to really question whether these reasons actually were enough to justify breaking up. And when combined with the natural human tendency for nostalgia and to romanticize happy, positive memories, this can be a very strong reason for your ex to change their mind and give you another chance.

Again, the key here is to ensure you do NOT remind your ex about the problems or reasons for the breakup… that you NEVER display any of the same negative, unattractive behaviours that might have irritated your ex or helped them decide to end things in the first place.

It’s very common for people who want their ex back to try and talk things over with their ex in a serious, heart-to-heart conversation… you know, try and justify or apologize for these behaviours and convince their ex to change their mind. These kind of serious conversations almost never work, and usually end up being very damaging to your chances.

Re-hashing old problems — even if it’s just to apologize or try and seek closure from your ex — just reminds them about these issues and often confirms that they made the right choice in breaking up.

That’s why I always recommend you make any and all post-breakup interactions with your ex be ENJOYABLE for them… just try to make them smile, laugh, and enjoy your company. Be careful not to exhibit unattractive traits like neediness, jealousy, controlling behaviour, and so on… and let No Contact and your absence help them FORGET about the problems and logical reasons that led to them wanting to break up.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning is widely regarded as the world's most trusted breakup experts, boasting over 12 years of experience working with clients from around the world. Brad's #1 best-selling breakup reversal guide, The Ex Factor, has helped more than 130,000 people from 131 countries to re-unite with an ex. Brad is also the author of Mend The Marriage, a comprehensive self-help guide that teaches married couples how to save their dying marriage and prevent divorce. Brad’s YouTube channel has over 400,000 subscribers and 50 million views, and he has been featured in a number of well-known media outlets and industry journals.