Stop Thinking About Your Ex (If You Want Them Back)

Wish you could stop thinking about your ex?

I’ll tell you simple ways to get them off your mind and how this can actually help you win them back.

This is something that I know many people struggle with, and that’s how to stop the endless thoughts and worries about our failed relationship and our ex. You probably think, if only you could figure out what went wrong, maybe you could undo the mistakes we made and they’d come running back to you.

Well, I’m here to tell you, it’s not going to work.

I’m not saying you can’t get them back– you definitely can get your ex back and have a happy life with them by your side– but you’re not going to get there by obsessing over it. You’re just going to drive yourself crazy.

In fact, the more you think about your ex, the more you hurt your chances of salvaging your relationship. Stewing in negative thoughts will have a negative effect on your outlook, your health, and, because of the added stress and sleepless nights, you’ll even do damage to your health and appearance.

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that if you want your ex back, you want to look and feel better than you did when the two of you were together, not worse.

So how can you take steps to get your ex off your mind and begin moving on. Just follow these seven steps and you’ll be well on your way to a clearer mind, right away.

1.Give yourself some space

If you’re reading this a few days after your breakup, then it’s no wonder you can’t stop thinking about your ex. You two had history together.

That’s not going to just disappear overnight. So if you’re in this situation, you need to give yourself a break and remember that it’s okay to miss your ex.

But if it’s been a few weeks or even months since your breakup, and you still can’t get your mind off your ex, then you need to take some action. If you haven’t already, you need to go FULL No Contact.

This means you need to stop seeing your ex and stop talking to them completely. You shouldn’t call them, text them, or like their photos. I even advise that you stop watching their Instagram stories and creeping their Facebook.

I know it’s difficult. I understand that you think you can’t live without them, and on some level, you’re staying in touch because you think it’s going to make you feel better.

But trust me, in the long run, any sort of contact with your ex is only going to drag you back into depression.

A period of No Contact with your ex is necessary in almost 100% of cases. It can only help your chances of getting your mind off your ex, and, ultimately, winning them back.

2.Embrace distractions

Whether it’s a video game, a walk in the park, or hanging out with your family, distractions can be very beneficial to you during this time. Find something to get excited about outside of your relationship. If you can handle it, I suggest setting some goals, changing up your routine, or taking on new responsibilities. If you’re looking for something more low key to focus on, a good movie always takes my mind off my worries.

3.Step back from social media

Social media can be a great way to stay connected with friends and family. But after a breakup, it can be emotionally draining to see your ex and your mutual friends having fun together, without you. A social media detox is one easy way to combat this.

I never recommend blocking or unfriending your ex. That only makes you look petty. Instead, logging off for a couple of days or weeks, will help you live in the moment more, and stop you from dwelling on your ex.

Just know that this practice will give you a little more free time so use it wisely. Get outside, get active, and get moving.

4.Make a plan

Creating a plan to get your ex back will involve spending a little time thinking about your ex. But I find that it really helps in the long run because once you have it down on paper, or even just set in your mind, you can move ahead and put it out of your mind completely. Try it for yourself.

Step one should always be No Contact. Step two is re-attraction. Even just a simple list like this one can be enough for you to put your ex out of your mind.

5. Exercise

Breakups tend to throw off our normal rhythm. We lose touch with our routine and opt for sweatpants and ice cream instead.

This leaves us with a bunch of excess energy that turns to anxiety about the breakup and obsessive thoughts about our ex.

Break that cycle by getting a little exercise. It doesn’t take much. A twenty minute walk around the neighbourhood can shift your whole mindset, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time. For those of you who are more advanced, a run or a new workout can work wonders.

6. Pick up my Ex Factor Guide

Thinking about your ex isn’t the only problem. It’s the depression and hopelessness that comes with these thoughts. Seeking out advice can help end this spiral.

My comprehensive Ex Factor program is full of simple, effective techniques that are backed up by years of research.

7. Start dating again

I know if you want your ex back, dating someone new can be the furthest thing from your mind right now, but it really does help.

First off, it can be a major distraction. Second, it can remind you that dating can be fun and exciting, rather than the bummer that your relationship became towards the end.

Dating someone new is bound to get your mind off your ex because it puts more distance between you and your relationship. And, since you have nothing to lose, it can be a real confidence booster.

Stop Thinking About Your Ex To Get Them Back

So this is all great for your own peace of mind, but how does any of this actually help you get your ex back?

Well it turns out there are several reasons that this can change your ex’s mind about the breakup and make them run back into your arms.

First, it helps you maintain No Contact.

As I already mentioned, I advise that you spend AT LEAST 30 days following your breakup in a No Contact period with your ex. No Contact is less effective if you just spend it sitting around, thinking about your ex.

Second, it takes the pressure off.

The more you think about your ex, the more pressure you’re putting on yourself and your ex when the time finally comes to reach out to them. The re-attraction process is supposed to be casual, light and fun.

If you’ve spent 30 days in a windowless room, crafting the perfect text message to send your ex, your desperation is going to come across the next time you speak to your ex.

By taking active steps to move forward with your life, you’ll compartmentalize your sadness and anxiety about the relationship. This kind of positive thinking is all about putting things into perspective.

It helps you remember that no matter what happens, it will all work out in the end. That kind of mindset will be extremely attractive to your ex, especially if the relationship ended on a negative note.

Third, it’s human nature to want what we can’t have.

This is what brings people together in the first place. It’s also the reason that, once we get what we want, we often find that it doesn’t live up to our expectations.

If you can really move past your ex, get him or her completely off your mind, and start building a better life without them, your ex is going to take notice.

When they see how well you’re doing without them, they’ll realize what a mistake it was for them to break up with you. They won’t be able to help themselves: they’ll want you back… BADLY.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning is widely regarded as the world's most trusted breakup experts, boasting over 12 years of experience working with clients from around the world. Brad's #1 best-selling breakup reversal guide, The Ex Factor, has helped more than 130,000 people from 131 countries to re-unite with an ex. Brad is also the author of Mend The Marriage, a comprehensive self-help guide that teaches married couples how to save their dying marriage and prevent divorce. Brad’s YouTube channel has over 400,000 subscribers and 50 million views, and he has been featured in a number of well-known media outlets and industry journals.