Your Dismissive Ex Misses You If They Do This

If your ex is dismissive then it can feel like they don’t even care at all.

But if you know anything about this kind of avoidance, you know that it’s really a mask to hide their deeper feelings.

And the thing about hiding your feelings in this way, is that the truth will always be plain as day, to those people who know what to look for.

So let’s talk about how you can tell that your dismissive ex misses you, even if they don’t want to admit it.

Here’s what you need to know: you can actually group exes into different categories based on a few variables.

I know that your ex is a unique and special person, but they’re still going to follow a pretty predictable pattern after the breakup, with few exceptions.

And that pattern is going to be based on their attachment style. In your case, your ex is dismissive-avoidant.

People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style tend to be self-reliant, independent, and they all struggle with emotional intimacy.

In relationships, they’re going to avoid emotional closeness, and so they’ll struggle with deep connection and commitment. What sets dismissive-avoidants apart is their dismissive attitudes but in reality, this is just another avoidance tactic.

So say the two of you have been really connecting lately. The relationship is firing on all cylinders. They’re anticipating your needs and you just feel great about how it’s going.

So you decide to try to tell them how much they mean to you. You look them in the eyes and share your feelings with them. Instead of agreeing and saying something nice back, a dismissive avoidant might try to deflect and say that they’re nothing special.

Or they might crack a joke, or change the subject. Essentially, they’re dismissing your feelings because the vulnerability on display makes them uncomfortable.

And this dismissiveness can be felt in all aspects of the relationship where intimacy and emotions are involved.

Signs Your Dismissive Avoidant Ex Misses You

Their attachment style is definitely going to make it difficult to judge their feelings after the breakup, but once you know the 7 signs that your dismissive-avoidant ex misses you, all will become clear. So let’s dive in with sign number one…

Sign #1: They Reach Out, Just Not Directly

This is probably one of the more confusing signs because–in classic dismissive-avoidant fashion–they’re not going to be straightforward and honest about it.

So if your ex starts liking your photos, commenting on your social media posts, or messaging you something innocuous like “what’s up?”—it’s a good sign that they’re trying to reconnect, but without putting themselves out there too much. It’s a way for them to test the waters.

They don’t want to seem too eager, and they don’t want to deal with the vulnerability that comes with a deeper conversation…at least not yet.

Here’s a real-life example of what this might look like: Let’s say you post a photo of your weekend getaway on Instagram, and your ex—who you haven’t talked to in weeks—suddenly likes the post and leaves a comment like, ‘Looks like you had fun!’

This is pretty casual…almost too casual…and that’s the point. It’s a way of them signaling that they’re still following your life and care about what you’re doing. And if you aren’t interested in them, then they didn’t risk too much emotionally and so they’re not going to be as hurt if you blow them off.

That’s why they’re very unlikely to send you a heartfelt text like, ‘I miss you,’ but these indirect interactions show that they’re still keeping tabs on you.

Sign #2: They Bring Up Old Memories

Have you noticed your ex keeps talking about the good times you had together? They might mention a trip you took, a concert you went to, or a little inside joke that you used to share.

So maybe you run into your ex at a mutual friend’s gathering, and they say something like, ‘Remember that road trip we took to the mountains? That was such a good time. I still think about it sometimes.’ and then they change the subject.

This is actually a big deal because dismissive-avoidants tend to avoid talking about emotions and typically shut down conversations that get too personal, so when they start recalling fond memories from your time together, it’s not by accident.

They may not be able to admit they miss you, but they can say it without actually saying it.

Any kind of nostalgic comment is a sign that they’re not over the good times you had together, and they still value the emotional connection you two had.

Sign #3: They Ask About Your Personal Life

If your ex starts asking questions like, ‘How’s work going?’ or ‘Are you dating anyone?’ or even ‘What have you been up to lately?’ … it might feel like nothing, but this is actually a great sign that they miss you.

This is their way of staying connected with you without having to open up emotionally. They want to make sure you’re doing okay and they want to remind you that they’re interested in what you’re up to.

I know this is a very subtle one and it might not mean too much so make sure that you’re not taking this alone as a sign that your ex is head-over-heels in love with you.

But if it’s happening a lot, or if it comes along with other signs on this list, then this is just more evidence that your dismissive ex misses you.

You kind of have to read the tea leaves with people like this because they’re never going to be straightforward when emotions are involved.

Sign #4: They Seem Jealous or Protective

Now, this one can be a bit tricky to spot, but it’s definitely a strong indicator that your ex misses you. Even though dismissive-avoidants typically try to keep their distance, if they see you moving on or talking to someone else, they can react with jealousy or possessiveness.

They’re probably not going to get angry or tell you off, but you might notice them acting a little bit defensive, perhaps asking more questions than usual about someone you’re seeing or even making passive-aggressive comments like, ‘I saw you were out with ‘so-and-so’ last night. Are you dating now?’

They might also become short or cold with you if they think that you’re seeing someone new.

RELATED: Why Your Ex’s Drama Is A Good Sign

They’ll probably try to mask their jealousy with sarcasm or humor, but underneath, they’re definitely feeling something.

This reaction shows that they haven’t lost their feelings for you. They’re trying to protect themselves emotionally because they still care enough to feel threatened by the idea of you moving on with someone else.

Sign #5: They Engage in the Classic Push-Pull Dynamic

This is something that many of you probably already recognize because it’s the hallmark of an avoidant ex. Your ex is going to be hot and cold with you: one minute, they’re reaching out and being affectionate, and the next, they’ve gone quiet or disappeared entirely.

For example, they might text you late at night with something casual like, ‘Hey, what’s up?’ Then, when you respond, they go quiet for a few days or don’t respond at all.

This back-and-forth behavior is a classic sign of a dismissive-avoidant. It’s a way for them to keep the emotional distance they crave while also getting a little bit of attention from you.

They’re fighting themselves trying to decide if they should tell you that they miss you and want you back, or cut you off completely and never talk to you again.

This cycle can be frustrating because it leaves you wondering what they want. But this pattern is a sign that they miss you and are trying to figure out if they can safely open up again without feeling overwhelmed. If they didn’t still care, they’d treat you normally or they’d just stop reaching out.

Sign #6: They Do Little Favors for You

Dismissive-avoidants might not express their feelings verbally, but they often show you they care through their actions. If your ex starts doing little things for you—like offering to help you with errands, lending you something you need, or giving you gifts—this is a sign that they still have feelings for you.

For instance, if you mention that you’re struggling to fix something around the house and your ex offers to come by and help, they’re trying to show they care, without having to actually admit it.

RELATED: Using The No Contact Strategy To Get Your Ex Back

These little gestures may seem small, but they’re a form of emotional bid. That is, when your ex does something like this they’re saying “please connect with me on an emotional level.”

Of course, they would never say that out loud. They’ll only do it in a way that doesn’t require vulnerability or risk. They want you to say thank you, give them a hug, maybe do a favour in return. It’s an attempt to get closer to you.

Sign #7: They Use Jokes To Hide Their Feelings

As we talked about earlier, dismissives will use humour to try to deflect from real emotion because they find it threatening to be open and vulnerable. That’s why dismissive avoidants can often be quite funny because they’re so used to using humour as a tactic.

So don’t be surprised if your ex jokes around with you a lot after the breakup. They may banter with you endlessly so that they can talk to you without having to ever get real about their feelings.

They might also make jokes about the breakup, your relationship, their own feelings—whatever. The point is that they’re throwing a layer of humour over things to keep you at an emotional distance.

So say they jokingly call you “honey” or some other pet name they used to use. If you correct them they can easily say “I’m just kidding around, have a sense of humour,” and thereby deflect the rejection they feel. Pretty sneaky but very common as well.

Brad Browning

Brad Browning is widely regarded as the world's most trusted breakup experts, boasting over 12 years of experience working with clients from around the world. Brad's #1 best-selling breakup reversal guide, The Ex Factor, has helped more than 130,000 people from 131 countries to re-unite with an ex. Brad is also the author of Mend The Marriage, a comprehensive self-help guide that teaches married couples how to save their dying marriage and prevent divorce. Brad’s YouTube channel has over 400,000 subscribers and 50 million views, and he has been featured in a number of well-known media outlets and industry journals.